It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. It’s been an insane three weeks. Since the Obama visit to my college campus I’ve had a lot of extra responsibilities and a lot to do to prepare for the start of the fall semester. But, instead of boring you with everything I’ve had going on I want to tell you a bit about myself, and how I operate.
I’ve always been the stubborn one. I’ve had to learn the hard way. Just ask my parents, I wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, especially during my teenage years. Now that I’m 28 years old, I’m no veteran of life but I’ve found my own path. It took a lot of prodding and a some life-altering events, but I feel like I’m in a better place now than I’ve been in my entire life.
Growing up in “America’s Hometown,” Hannibal, Mo., it was easy to fall into a meaningless life. I haven’t lived there in over six years and I still refer to that place as a black hole. Temptations there are plentiful. Alcohol, drugs, women and plenty of other things to tempt someone away from success. But really, it’s the weak-minded that are caught in the pitfalls of such places.
I moved out when I was young. Stubborn and dumb. I had a tussle with my father about my curfew, I was 18, I made my own rules! It was stupid to think I could support myself, working at Pizza Hut and attending classes at a local community college. After a year and a half I had an altercation with my roommate, somewhat of an infamous air freshener to the face incident. I moved home. I quit Pizza Hut. I suffered a bitter break-up with a girl I had been dating for over two years and I locked myself in my parents’ basement for a few months. I secluded myself to online video games and got really close with some friends I met over the game.
As I started to climb out of my depression I started working at the local Walmart. It wasn’t the greatest, but the pay was decent and they made me a customer service manager after a couple months. Soon thereafter I started dating again. And this girl would be part of the events that shaped me into the person I am today.
Years went by, we went on vacations. In 2007, my girlfriend moved to Florida to go to school and play volleyball. One of my best friends had been living in the Kansas City area since we graduated high school in 2003. When my girlfriend left I moved to Liberty. It was liberating being out of Hannibal. I was with people I trusted and truly having the time of my life.
It wasn’t without its issues. My relationship started to be plagued by trust and distance issues. She ended up transferring to UCM. We worked things out. And then my aunt died suddenly of a heart attack.
Aunt Rose was my favorite relative. She was able to relate to me in a way many others can’t. She got through to me. In my angst I had thick walls up, I didn’t trust many people. She always told me how smart I am, and how many more opportunities I’d have with a college degree. Without getting on my soapbox about how great of a person she is, I will say that it was strictly her words, and prodding from my girlfriend, that brought me to UCM in 2009.
Since then, that relationship fizzled but I still appreciate it. We were kids who grew up. I’ll always have a love for her because of what she did for me. The thing I’ve learned is that you can’t do anything on your own. During my adventure that is life, doors have opened and closed. Relationships, romantic or otherwise, have come and gone. I still maintain a relationship with the people that have helped me the most, and mean the most to me.
My best friend since first grade, who got me out of Hannibal, and I still talk to each other all the time. We don’t hang out as much as I’d like, but we’re both very busy. Another great friend, who got me into writing back in ninth grade, is the person doing movie reviews for digitalBURG. Since I’ve moved here I’ve met a lot of great people, all of whom I appreciate.
There are some relationships that become toxic, and require you to cutoff. I’ve gotten to the point, and partially because of my emotional issues, that if I feel a relationship isn’t reciprocal or has come to a point where it brings me down or holds me back I simply sever it. It’s kind of heartless, but I have a lot on my plate. I’m due to graduate college in December and I’m still trying to decide if I’m staying for grad school or not. I have a lot of opportunities in Warrensburg to continue my work with the college paper, so it’s a very likely possibility.
One of the things that not a lot of people know about me, unless you’re a part of my inner circle, is that I like to open the door to others. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m the old guy in my group of colleagues, acquaintances and associates. I know I have opportunities in the professional world and I’ve worked my ass off to get them. But now it’s my turn to pay it back. Not everyone has been through what I have to get to this point. My best friend in this town is someone of similar credos and now we work in tandem to help other people win.
It’s about taking the chance to give people opportunity. Finding those that deserve the same opportunity. Grabbing people who maybe, through no fault of their own, have had to sacrifice chances to get by. And that’s what is the most rewarding. Putting a team of people who had never met together and putting 12 names on Obama coverage instead of two or three. Helping people get recognition they deserve.
I’d hate to get rudimentary and quote a movie, but “Sucker Punch” is a movie that really moved me, especially toward the end of the movie. So here’s a couple quotes to give you an idea of how I feel.
Sweet Pea: This can’t be. We did everything right.
Baby Doll: A map, a fire, a knife, a key, one thing more, one thing more. It’s me.
Sweet Pea: What?
Baby Doll: Oh! It’s me, of course it’s me. It’s the only way this ever could have been prevented.
Sweet Pea: What do you mean?
Baby Doll: I’m saying you go home, go to your family. You tell your mom what Rocket said, make her happy. Go out and live a normal life. Love, be free, you have to live for all of us now.
Sweet Pea: Baby, no, you can’t…
Baby Doll: Yes Sweet Pea, you’re the strongest. You’re the only one of us who ever had a chance out there. You’re going home and leaving, that’s how we win. It’s OK, it’s better this way. Now listen, I’m gonna walk out there and when they come after me, you go, OK?
Sweet Pea: There’s gotta be another way.
Baby Doll: No, this is right. This was never my story, it’s yours. Now don’t screw it up, OK?
And then the commentary as well, which is here in video form. If this doesn’t light a fire within you, nothing will.
Marchion of Chaos 